Paper Cuts
by Tez162
Summary: We leave a lonely Doctor staring into the consol of the TARDIS at the end of ‘journey’s end’ but that isn’t the final scene for the doctor… 10/Rose I was unhappy with the ending so this got written.EDITED version better punc and more in character I hope


PAPER CUTS

We leave a lonely Doctor staring into the consol of the TARDIS at the end of 'journey's end' but that isn't the final scene for the Doctor…

He knows, his double knows, Donna knew.

The gateway made between the parallel universes was like a paper cut to a human, small and insignificant in the long term. But like a paper cut it can bleed for hours and sting for days.

The gateway was still open; would be for about another five hours, the Doctor would guess, well he usually is right. Even then it wouldn't be completely sealed for another day or so.

He could go back.

He has saved reality, met a family of old companions and Torchwood staff, left Rose- the love of his life for the second time, wiped the memory of his, well, his best friend he supposed, in what felt like no time at all (not literally of course, he was a Timelord). Now, yet again, he was alone.

The Doctor is not stupid by any means, he always does what's "right". But when it comes to emotions or what is best for him and the people he cares about sometimes he makes decisions he regrets.

That's why he couldn't decide whether or not to go back. He knew he hadn't ended things well with Rose, he knew that really he ran away, trying to divert himself to the next problem: Donna. He knew Rose would be cursing him now and that she would never, ever, get over him, substitute Doctor or not. This wasn't boastfulness or arrogance this was fact for he felt the same way about her; he couldn't divert his own feelings to a Timelady version of Rose.

But he needs to believe she will be happy, that she can live a good life with the substitute Doctor. How can he go back and destroy what bonding Rose and his double have made.

Once, just this once, the Doctor lets his emotions take over as the TARDIS sets off for bad wolf bay.

…………………………………………………………………………………………

The TARDIS silences: he is there. But the Doctor can't move, he can't breath, he can't think, his hearts race. What really has he come here for: a kiss, a touch, a smile or a better good bye? He can't give her what she needs, can't tell her what she wants to hear, can't mend her broken heart because he knows that he has to say good bye for a third time. Why did he come? A tear ran down his cheek as he hears the TARDIS door open. He didn't look up from the consol that he was clinging to, he couldn't, but he knew it was Rose.

After what felt like an eternity but couldn't have been more than thirty seconds, well 28 and a half to be precise, Rose broke the silence.

" Five and a half hours," She breathed trying desperately not to let her voice break. She then took several sharp intakes of air as tears rolled down her already tear-stained cheek.

The Doctor bit hard on the inside of his cheek and clenched the console with even more force. He fought hard to hold himself together as he remembered the trip in which they had found the girl in the fireplace and he had told her always to wait five and a half hours for him.

" You remembered," he croaked. He was amazed that he had even managed that little piece of speech.

" Of course," Rose laughed at him through her pain. " I waited that long last time: five an half hours sat next to that white wall in Torchwood institute and five and half hours on this beach hoping you would find away back. Mum thought I was mad, didn't bother trying to persuade me this time… The other Doctor knew what I was up to but didn't comment . He understood, left me to it ." She paused here and sighed, closing her eyes. She had to continue.

"This time, you going was different, not 'cause of the Doctor mark two but 'cause last time I refused to believe that it was the end. This time I didn't fool myself into thinking you were coming back. But I just had to wait." Rose clung to the doorframe of the door through which she had entered. It had taken all of her strength to make that speech comprehendible. She whimpered, her heart aching and yearning for the Doctor. His body was here, in front of her now, but his mind was elsewhere. Rose needed him! She couldn't leave things unsaid, not again. She was a wreck, her hair and her make up, her clothes and her mind, but nothing mattered but the Timelord who refused to look up.

The Doctor was struggling, half of him wishing he had never come, wanting to flee and leave Rose to get on with her life, the other half burning with passion wanting to steal Rose away, show her how much he loved her and never let anything hurt her again. Of course, neither of these, for him, could be an option.

After another eternity the doctor regained the ability of speech. "I shouldn't have come," the Doctor stated, showing no emotion, still staring hard at the consol of the TARDIS. But then his defences cracked, " Rose…I can't give you… I can't tell … I can't, I can't stay," the Doctor stammered. Hearing the truth hit them both hard, but neither had fooled themselves to believe he could. The Doctor closed his eyes trying to search for right thing to say, so many things he wanted to tell her, so little time before he had to leave her, so little energy to utter but another word.

Suddenly, a soft hand placing itself over his and interlocking their fingers interrupted the Doctor's thoughts.

" I know," Rose whispered into the Doctor's ear. The Doctor's neck snapped round and he found himself gazing deep into Rose's soft brown eyes.

The Doctor was speechless, something he rarely found himself before. Rose though had now come to life.

"Doctor, I slapped your double when you left. I was so upset and it was your fault, he didn't deserve that; but I wanna give you the other thing that your double didn't deserve." With that she wrapped her arms round the back of the doctors neck and fiercely pressed her lips to his. She kissed him with all the passion and love she could muster, wanting him to understand the way she felt about him.

The Doctor was intoxicated. He lost every worry, problem and fear in that kiss. He had never felt like this before, Rose was… Rose was something else. She tasted like the sweetest wine ever made; she was passionate, vibrant, so alive and so loving. He wanted her, he needed her, and right now he was drunk on her. Deep down inside he knew she was his forbidden fruit and he had just pierced the skin.

Rose pulled away, she was a little breathless with a smug grin on her face. The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck feeling slightly self-conscious: he really, really wanted her now. She stood there chewing on her bottom lip, rocking up on her toes and down again like a child, eyeing him curiously. The Doctor was unsure what to say or do. Had she any idea what she had done to him and what was running through his mind?

Then she licked her lips. Oh, she knew.

"Well…. that was, um, nice," the Doctor spluttered running his hand through his hair. He was now incapable of logical thought; speech however was coming easier, though the Doctor was not sure which side effect of Rose was the lesser evil. Rose laughed; helplessly giggling she agreed.

When she was composed she smirked, "even better than him," she signalled to the door. "Your kisses are similar… but with you it's not fire works but…"

"Stars exploding," the Doctor finished her sentence and grinned sheepishly. Then unexpectedly he came crashing back to reality.

"Rose, how long have you been waiting for me?" the Doctor's tone was now serious.

" 'Bout an hour and a half," Rose replied, falling from cloud nine.

"Okay, three hours and then it really is goodbye Rose, well, for me anyway," the Doctor swallowed. " I have so much I want to tell you but I just can't put it into words, Rose you said you travelled through universes to find me, don't forget, I blew up a sun to get to say goodbye to you."

"I'll never forget!" Rose protested, "Doctor, you can sum all that stuff up in three words. Tell me, let me hear it from your lips," Rose pleaded with him.

"Rose, I will tell you, everyday of your life if you still want to hear it, but always through his lips. Because Rose, to say it would break me, how can I leave the person I, the one… you, after saying something like that."

Both the Doctor and Rose now stood mirroring each other, gazing deep into one and other's eyes, tears rolling down their cheeks.

The Doctor took Roses hands and encased them in his. He pleaded with her through his eyes. Rose felt like she could see the depths of his soul, she could feel his pain; she knew not to press the issue.

"Okay," Rose whimpered, "but Doctor how can you expect me to just to accept your double, clone, whatever you wanna call 'im." Rose shrugged; she just didn't know if she could make a life with this other doctor.

"I don't," the Doctor stated plainly. He then noticed her eyes searching him, he realised she wanted him to elaborate. "If you don't want to know him, make a life with him then that is your choice. He can't force you to accept that he is me and neither can I. But I promise you; it will break his heart if you leave him. It's your life, but this is the closest you will get to being with me forever. I always wished forever really was forever but we both know the harsh truth as does the brave Miss Sarah- Jane." The Doctor sighed; this had to be the most awkward circumstances he had ever been in. He was so tense and frowning, his head ached and his body ached, both physical and emotional pain: he was exhausted.

Rose moved closer to the Doctor and leant her head against his chest. He began to relax slightly. The Doctor held her tight in his long arms, the safest place in the universe Rose thought to herself. She was shaking slightly and breathing rather fast: the Doctor leant in and placed small kisses on her head and cheek.

The Doctor acknowledged what he had to do next. He had to make her understand. He had to let her see the other Doctor for who he was and what he was feeling. Maybe, just maybe if Rose could think about things from his perspective she would find it easier to accept him. That thought pained the Doctor. After all, he was the Doctor, he was the one who spent those times with Rose and fell in love with her. But, he was the one that had to leave her, to hand her over to another man. But he was the other man. This was so confusing even to his superior mind, and with the addition of all the emotions he was overwhelmed with, it was a struggle to cope. No one could have ever been in such a perplexing situation.

"Rose, my double as you called him, the other me, what do you think he is feeling right now?" The Doctor questioned her. Rose pulled back and eyed him enquiringly; what was he getting at? She didn't know where this new conversation was going.

" I don't know," she whispered frowning.

"Just think what it would be like to be him for a moment. He knows he is a human version of me, that all his memories are not really his but mine. He knows that he only has one life and one heart, an alien concept to him as he has a Timelord brain. He is so scared of you leaving him, because he knows, or thinks, he will always be seen as second best, the consolation prize. He knows he is not me and thinks that to you, he can never measure up to me, that I will always be your Doctor, the real Doctor." The Doctor smiles a sad smile and looks at Rose for comprehension.

"But you are! You are my Doctor. You are the one I fell in love with. He, oh, I dunno, it's just not right." Rose didn't like this discussion; it was giving her a headache. She didn't see how the double could ever replace the man standing in front of her.

"Rose, I know, but who else is he but me. He has to believe he is the Doctor. He remembers everything that happened in my many life times, how can those memories not be his? He can relive every moment in his head and has all the same feelings about them that I had: he only knows my life. How can he discard that? He has feelings Rose, you were the one he fell in love with and never had a chance to tell. It is all so real to him; right now he feels like it's a dream come true. He can stay; he can grow old, live life day after day, have the adventure I never could and most importantly be with you. His happiness lies with you." The Doctor was finding this immensely difficult. He wanted her with him forever and this was the only way he could do it. Life as the last Timelord wasn't all it was made out to be. The curse of loneliness was one that would never break.

" But, but, but…oh Doctor!" Rose fully crying now, wailing, shaking, pulling on her own hair, she staggered away from the Doctor. It was all too much.

" Rose… I don't know what to say. He is me when we first met full of anger and pain; he is me when I regenerated; confused about who he is, he is me when I said goodbye the first time, thinking I had lost you forever, because I have no doubt that he is thinking that. Rose he wants you, he needs you, he loves you: he is very me." The Doctor was unable to say anymore. Again he felt tears spill down his face; the hardest thing he had ever had to do, he thought to himself again. That's when he noticed Rose's knees buckling beneath her; he ran and caught her. He held her tight in his arms and gently lowered her to the floor of the TARDIS. Rose stayed curled up in his arms until she eventually calmed down.

" Okay," Rose finally managed to speak.

" Okay…what?" the Doctor asked. He was very confused and stunned that she actually spoke.

"Okay, I'll try and make it work. Try and have a life with him…you. I'll do it for you, but I will always be your Rose. I will never see him as a consolation prize but as the gift of forever. I love you Doctor, both of you, if this is the only way then… okay." Rose was now sat up, composed, and again looking deep into those warm chocolate brown eyes she had missed so much.

" Good. Now I think we should tell him that: I vote we go and get chips." The Doctor grinned that full smile that sent shivers up Rose's spine. However, she could still see the hurt in his eyes. He stood up and turned toward the door before looking back and adding, " Oh, and I will always be your Doctor, Rose."

It was Rose's turn to grin.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

The Doctor and Rose left the TARDIS arm in arm, feeling at least a little happier than before. They could see the other Doctor sitting in the sand staring out to sea; he was a fair way away and hadn't spotted them. Suddenly something dawned on Rose.

"Doctor, how did you expect him to live here?" Rose gestured toward the other Doctor. " I mean, he hasn't got anything except me! How can he survive with out an identity? And for that matter, if he is you, he will require a TARDIS, sonic screwdriver and sexy specs," Rose laughed but seriously she could not see for the life of her how the Doctor could ever adapt to earth and life without these things.

" Weeeelllll, I guess he would be… um, John Smith? Yeah, and I meant to give him some coral from the TARDIS to grow his own and… um, I didn't really think it through, but you would have coped." The Doctor rubbed the back of his neck, good job he had come back, and at least he could sort a few things out, even in the short time he had left.

"Coral? What are you on about? But John Smith, hmm, I don't know, you're really not a John and you only use it for an emergency name. This is his life." Rose and the doctor drifted into deep thought.

" The TARDIS is alive remember, and if you take coral from her you can grow another," the Doctor smiled at her. " Now, you know, I made my sonic screwdriver so I'm sure I have some things he can use to make one and I think I have a couple of spares of these glasses," the Doctor pulled them out of his pocket along with his screwdriver. He put them on and began examining his sonic device. " Yeah, they were really nice so I got about five pairs, don't want to break them…" the Doctor trailed off. " This should take about ten minutes to put together between the three of us, anyway, what do you think for a name then? No wait, you think my specs are sexy do you?" he slid the screwdriver back in his pocket and winked at Rose leaving the said specs on. He then noticed they had nearly reached the human Doctor.

"Maybe," Rose stuck her tongue out at the Doctor. "Anyway, I dunno. You're just the Doctor! Maybe you could be a doctor, Dr Smith, but you need a first name, maybe a D like, ummm, David?" Rose pondered this. How can she give a name to the man she'd only ever known as the Doctor.

" Am I a David though? Dr David Smith, Dr John smith, what about Dr William Smith, or George, very English!" the Doctor joked. This was harder than expected.

"Will smith… um, NO! As for George…" Rose giggled at the thought. Names are a given, changing one was difficult. She thought if they ever married she would find it hard to use any other name except Doctor; she could see the look on the vicar's face now.

" What's this then, choosing names? Does that mean you… we… I can…" The other doctor had noticed them walking towards him and went to meet them. He had a vague idea what this conversation was about but if she was thinking of names, did that mean she had accepted him?

"We'll give it a go," Rose told him. " Got to sort out a few things first, name, sonic screwdriver, TARDIS, oh, and we thought we'd go and get chips. By the way where's mum? Oh my god! Where's Donna?" with this sudden realisation she rounded on the Doctors, they gulped.

…………………………………………………………………………………………..

After explanations, finding Jackie, eating chips, contemplating identities and building sonic screwdrivers, the TARDIS key was glowing red hot in the doctor's pocket.

It was time to leave.

" Thanks, for everything. I was really worried when you turned up, it's just not something I thought I would do. Goodbyes are too hard. But I'm glad you did. Rose is happier, she is staying with me, I can grow a TARDIS - however long it takes - I am now a doctor in physics, chemistry, space, history, mathematics and a few other exceptional things and…. Weeeelllll, I'm thanking myself," the other Doctor was babbling. He shook hands with the Timelord then left the TARDIS. The Doctor and Rose were alone for their final farewell.

"Okay last chance, don't leave things unsaid, I can't tell you those terrifying words but anything surrounding them is fine." The Doctor was looking at the floor half talking to himself. Rose walked forward and lent her back against the consol next to him.

"Want children?" she questioned.

"How many?" he replied.

"Couple of each, Jack, Mickey, Harriet and Donna," Rose didn't know if she was serious or joking but she continued staring at the floor.

"Four is good, not sure about the names though. Seriously, our children named after Captain Jack, the king of the flirts and Mickey the idiot!" the Doctor laughed then changed his mind "No they are good guys, it's a sweet idea."

Rose took the Doctor's hand.

"Rose, will you do something for me? When I leave, I want you to ask Dr Smith the same question you asked us before and when he tells you the answer, kiss him, me, like your life depended on it. Then when you leave the beach, I want you to leave with me to start a new life. From then on he is your doctor." He squeezed Roses hand, at least he knew now she would be happy.

After about a minute Rose started laughing, only lightly, but the Doctor wasn't amused, his hearts were breaking.

"Sorry, just thought of summin: I always imagined I'd marry Mickey and be Mrs Smith and now I'm gonna be that anyway!" she giggled half-heartedly.

"Yeah," the Doctor grimaced, "Rose I really have to leave now." His throat was dry. The final goodbye had come.

Rose gasped. The tears were back: for the Doctor she had an endless supply .The doctor held her for a moment before bringing both of them to their feet.

"Nothing left unsaid. No regrets. This time no second chances. This is it for me, back to my universe saving planets again, same old, same old." The Doctor smiled at Rose, he didn't want tears to be their final memory.

"Yep, and me, 'cept I'm helping Torchwood and only have earth to defend," Rose smiled back or at least tried to. " Doctor, find another companion. Don't be alone. I don't want you to be lonely and I don't want you to feel guilty. Death happens and people change. You don't turn people into weapons; we just fight for what's right and to save you. Please be happy." Rose bit her lip, she needed him to be happy and have a good life as much as he did her.

"I'll try," was all the Doctor could say.

"Doctor, I love you." Rose told him. She knew this was it.

"Rose Tyler, you know how the sentence ends," he replied before capturing her lips with his. It was a small gesture, his last taste of Rose, but it made her shiver with pleasure.

"Just know I am so sorry, for everything I put you through, I'm sorry," the Doctor sighed

"Go on," he whispered letting her go.

She walked to the door slowly whilst he set the co-ordinates on the console. "Don't be sorry, I wouldn't have missed it for anything. I would have travelled with you forever," Rose sighed as she left the TARDIS for the last time.

The door clicked shut and the TARDIS set off.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

When it landed, the Doctor fell into the nearest chair and started to cry. He didn't get it: he had closure, Rose was happy, nothing left unsaid and all ends tied up. Yet he didn't feel any better, it wasn't any easier and his hearts were breaking just as much as they did before.

" Rose Tyler, I love you," he whispered resting his eyes. He fell asleep in that chair with tears rolling down his face. He was so drained. At least he was still with her in his dreams.

………………………………………………………………………………………….

Rose did as she was asked. The kiss was nice, but a bit empty. She was a bit empty, not knowing if to feel happy or sad.

"Rose, have you got your TARDIS key on you?" the new Doctor asked her whilst staring out to sea. The tide was in. They were now stood hand in hand on the top of a nearby hill. Jackie was at the nearby hotel.

"Always. Why?" Rose replied blandly. It was now about nine 'o'clock and getting rather dark. She hadn't noticed. Nothing else mattered but the emptiness inside her.

" Look at it," he whispered.

She obeyed. It felt warm. On one side burned the word 'forever'. On the other in smaller letters burned the words 'I love you'. Rose was in shock.

"How did you know?"

"You're forgetting I'm him," he grinned. The grin. Rose cried into his chest, she was hurting, but she would try and make it work, for her Doctors.

AN This is a mildly edited version of what I first put up. It's a little better I think. I love the idea behind this but not so sure about my writing. It was born because I think Rose kissed the wrong Doctor in journey's end. I know its quite soppy and I was going to change the end but decided to leave it, hope you don't mind. Plus the Doctor doesn't sleep but, oh well, he does here. Reviews appreciated.


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